So as you can tell from the title it’s been a while since I have posted and yes, you’ve guessed it, things have changed.
For one it’s been a very long time since I have had a problem with my depression. I think it’s been around 4 months since I have had ‘dark thoughts’ and I genuinely think I may be beginning to feel happy again.
I’ve grown a lot since I last posted, I’m living in a house with some fellow second year students and it’s some of the most fun I have ever had! A little hectic when it comes to things like who gets to use the shower and organizing bills and so on but I know it’s all good for the future.
I’m trying to find a job, it’s hard but I know that I really need one. I can’t leave university with nothing but a degree to show for it but then again I’m leaving with good acting experience, I’ve done some films, some stage work and some backstage work which is great.
Well I’ll have to cut this short because I’m halfway through getting ready for one of those wild student nights you probably hear about. I’ll post more later, have a spiffing evening my lovely badgers, I know I will!! sity, uni
‘It’s‘ back. I refer to it as such because I can’t stand the thought of admitting that I have a problem, a mental disorder, a disorder that makes me weak, pathetic, distracted, miserable, irritable and just tired.
There’s only so many times that I can pick what little of myself remains off the floor, piece myself back together again and begin rebuilding ‘The wall’. I’m running low on strength and I’m running out of materials to build with. I used to be a fortress, built from steel and stone but time after time my fortress has been battered down and weathered by the storm of crap in my god forsaken existence. I’ve tried to fix it I really have tried! But there’s only so much one person can do when the only materials they have left are newspaper and chewing gum.
There’s nothing more I can do, the walls are caving in again and this time I just don’t want to have to build them again. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be the last bloodied warrior fighting a losing battle.